It’s Just a Matter of Time

29 Jul 2017 34 Comments

by Jo Price in Positive Energy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

hand grrr

Ten points redeemable at absolutely nowhere to whomever names the owner of that mouth!

I’m going to do it.  It’s best if I lead with this so we can avoid any assumptions to the contrary.  Based on past history, it is a statistical inevitability.  I can recite all of the reasons why I shouldn’t, and I recognize that this standoff with my husband is not going to end well this weekend.  Please note that I’m not aiming to make him mad.  Rather I’m trying to figure out how to win him over to my point of view on the proper course of action in this scenario.  (Reality check – There is zero chance of my convincing him.)

parentsdontunderstand

 

Okay.  Here’s the situation.  My parents went away for a week’s vacation.  No no no.  Not that.

 

So I had hand surgery two days ago, yes?  Yes.  And the bandage / wrap should stay on my hand for one full week before the doc checks it, and then he will wrap it again for one more additional week until the stitches come out, yes?  Yes.

I prefer to see these as wise suggestions from a well-paid guy in a white coat with a knife.  My husband sees this as professional advice that must be followed to avoid problems after surgery.  Silly man!  And this is where the divergence in our approaches comes into the picture.  The impending blowup draws closer…

Me:  “Argh!  This wrap is driving me crazy.  I’m going to take it off and put a large waterproof band-aid over it instead.”

Him (comforting and calm):  “Don’t mess with it.  The doctor said to leave it alone for two weeks.”

Me (ever so casual):  Yes, I heard that as well…  But you see…it’s been two days and that’s practically same thing as two weeks.

Him (quickly moving from calm and supportive to irritated):  I’m not going to debate this with you.

Me (even more chill and smooth like buttah):  Oh me neither.  I’m just going to remove it a little bit.

Him (advancing past irritated and heading toward mad):  Noooo.  Don’t touch it.

Me:  It’s no biggie.  I can do this.  It’s easy.

Him (steely):  No.  You’re not.

Me (less casual):  Hmmmm.

Him (staring at me and waiting yet saying nothing): …

Me (looking back and responding but only in my mind):  (oh yes I am)

Him (in his mind):  (NO YOU’RE NOT)

Me (in my double secret probation mind):  (OH YES I AM!!!)

knife

This knife has cut more than a tin can and a tomato.

I’m not saying that he is wrong.  (He’s wrong!)  And I’m not saying that I’m right.  (I’m right!)  I’m just saying that I have had a dozen surgeries since I was a teenager (mainly operations on my joints), and I have played this unwaiting game every time.  See the knife in the picture?  It has been used for slicing bread and removing casts (plural) from my ankles.  My tweezers have plucked eyebrows as well as stitches.  I never make it to the follow-up appointments because I have yet to become a big enough grown up to just leave whatever it is alone.  You’re welcome orthopedic surgeons for all that messy post op time I saved you.

Noooo I don’t really think he is wrong, and yeeees I know that the doctor gave specific instructions for my benefit.

But it’s iiiiitchy!  And funky.  And then back to itchy.  And then back to funky.  It bothers me immensely.  It pesters me, and I fidget with it constantly.  I have shoved cotton gauze under the edges.  I’m about to harvest a truckload of aloe off my patio to get it to calm down.  But then the increasing invisible germ element comes back into my mind and bleh it grosses me out even more!

I doubt that I will make it through the day with this thing.  If that is the case, he will be furious (out of genuine concern for my welfare), and I will act like I don’t notice the steam coming out of his ears for the two-ish days that follow (because I’m a stubborn bonehead and I warned him that I would do this).

That’s all I have to say on this for now.  I must run to take care of other things.  For starters, I need to see what kinds of large bandages we have in the medicine cabinet.  Totally unrelated of course.  I just need to check…

mick

Help me Mick!

hand3

I can’t get no satisfaction either!

Satisfaction

Pest

Ostensible Order – A Deceptive Diversion

10 Jun 2017 23 Comments

by Jo Price in Positive Energy Tags: , , , , , ,

Superfluous organization is pure nectar of the OCD gods.  Helloooo sweet spice rack.  I should clarify that my commitment to maintaining my spices in this fashion has less to do with OCD and more to do with the immense amusement I feel each time someone tells me what a nice rack I have.  My other non-spice rack doesn’t typically receive the same commendations, so I get my kicks where I can.

When people enter my pantry and see this spice rack, their tendency is to react in one of three ways:

  1. They are genuinely in awe of how lovely it looks and how wonderful it must be to have access to so many seasoning options.
  2. They are quickly troubled by the way I leap into action returning the little jars into place that have been relocated by a fraction of a nanometer.  These same people also appear to dislike my icy stares, but it’s a necessary defense that I must employ.  There are those who seek to bring chaos to my spice rack, but thou shall not mess with the jars.  <– Commandment # 11.  Look it up.  (Or don’t look it up.  That’s probably a better plan.)
  3. They roll their eyes because they know me well enough to see through veil and recognize the reality.

And the reality that this display fails to disguise is this:

a juniper berries

Juniper berries?  I thought that those were for throwing at each other while waiting for the bus to arrive.

  1. I don’t have the slightest clue how to incorporate most of these spices into my cooking, and almost all of the jars remain sealed with plastic wrappers around the lids confirming their lack of use.

    a celery salt

    Celery has salt?  I only use salt salt.  Apparently celery also has cream, and I have the soup to prove it.

  2. Every spice displayed in this collection expired between the years of 2008 and 2011, and I worry that their antique food status only qualifies them to be ingredients in a witch’s brew for certain death.

    a star anise

    Star anise?  Quite lovely, but if it wasn’t in a spice bottle, I probably would have given these to my daughter to make an organic bead necklace.

  3. The real reason that I don’t use them is because frankly, I just don’t want to mess up all that pretty.

If you walk a little farther into the pantry and look slightly to the right, you will find that my OCD is selective at best.  What I actually incorporate into my cooking isn’t anywhere near as aesthetically pleasing, but you wouldn’t know that since my cooking incorporates other delicious flavors that are neither expired nor vacuum-sealed shut.  I will confess that this rule does not hold when I attempt to grill steaks.  Those are less savory and more akin to replacement soles for my husband’s work shoes.  I don’t why I can’t figure them out, but if you ever come for dinner and I offer to personally cook you some steaks, it’s probably best to assume that I dislike you.  With a passion.

IMG_20170609_104428

Most people’s lives are very similar to my nice rack…I mean spice rack.  (Ha! It never ceases to amuse me.)  At a glance, the pretty and organized parts look really good on the surface.  Delve a little further, and it’s probably not quite as put-together as the display implied.  And if you dig really deeply, you may uncover the parts that we typically don’t celebrate if we even notice them at all.  The mundane.  The messy.  The unpretty.

The semblance of order is beautiful, and it flirts with my incessant desire for predictability, consistency, and control.  But even I know that it is merely a veil.  Life refuses to commit to coloring inside the lines.

So forget the order and give up the false hope of maintaining control.  Appreciate the amazing and wonderful magic of unpredictability that can only be found outside the pretty.  Also maybe stick with the chicken at my table.

But keep your paws off my rack.

.a1 mystery spices
Seriously – what the heck do people make with this stuff?  No.  Don’t tell me.  I’m sticking with salt salt.  These are expired anyway.

 

*** MoJo ***

This post was inspired by the WordPress weekly photo challenge.  Details are below for those interested in joining the fun.

Order

The sites below approached the concept of order in completely different yet completely fantastic ways. I love each of these posts. They inspire me and remind to keep my eyes and my perspective open. Thank you calmkate, serendipity, colonialist, lifeofangela, and kochiphotography for your superb submissions.

calmkate’s corporate configuration –
https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/36430263/posts/1489880021
serendipity’s own spice shout out –
https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/32386031/posts/1110289965
colonialist’s clever colony –
https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/13900062/posts/9733
lifeofangela’s affinity for alignment –
https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/110993086/posts/15269
kochiphotography’s beauty of the birds –
https://kochiphotography.wordpress.com/2017/06/08/order-of-the-birds/

One last note of thanks to my dear friend Maria.  I am tremendously grateful for your beautiful friendship in my times of order as well as my times of chaos.  You are a gift in my life.  🙂

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