Exhibit A
For years I have thought of karma as God’s sense of humor. It now seems to me that my kids are also in on the joke. Check out these pants. Do I respect the efficiency of fusing your pants and underoos into one removable set like a human banana peel? Oh yes. Do I also respect the fact that collections of said sets are left hidden amongst the balled up dirty socks? Oh no.
I agree that it can be annoying to try to figure out what to do with that one ever-present sock that continues to reappear but never seems to have a match. Again, high-five on your creativity. However I feel like there could be better options for this sock that don’t involve the silverware drawer. Maybe you could put it in the clothing drawer dedicated to lonely singles of the sock world? Yes – I have that drawer and yes the other sock was in it.
I get it. I said “use a chip clip on the bag after you finish eating” when I should have said “don’t do that utterly ridiculous thing you know not to do because we have discussed it repeatedly and you keep ruining our food.” My bad.
This is a shout out to the spouses of the world. I discovered this stale cracker crime scene one day too late. Thanks so much babe for helping scientists confirm that the inability to correctly utilize a chip clip is in fact dominant in the human genome.
Ok so you did blow your nose per my request. But there’s this very small part of me that feels that perhaps – and to be clear, I’m no expert here – just maybe you could have opted for a couple less squares of TP??
Your unhelp with regard to feeding the dog has not gone unnoticed. With that said, I would like to mention that we typically put the food in the actual dog bowl as well as the actual dog mouth. We also give her actual dog food. Beyond that, I think you did it just right.
As we all have moments of noteworthy unhelpfulness, I wanted to wrap this up with one last pic that involved the whole family – yours truly included. I would love to tell you that this was staged, but this work of art was totally legit. We had fallen into (and tripped over) this ridiculous collection many times. Every shoe size living in this house was represented in varying degrees in this mountain of footwear. How could my OCD have failed me so deeply and allowed it to occur? If you look in the background, you will notice the real bonus of this pic. There are TWO shoe racks in the background and both have space. Since the time of this photo (taken a few months ago), I have added more shoe racks combined with an exponential increase in meltdowns on my part. Amazingly the problem has been mostly resolved.
Please hear me on this because it only works if you apply both parts of the technique. You cannot just rely on shoe racks. A constant reinforcement of the mommy meltdown plus the addition of too many shoe racks to justify any further excuses is the best way to achieve any level of shoe organization. To expedite the process, I suggest integrating disappearing Xbox remotes and the refusal to make cookies. This works on a personal level as well because you create an inner sense of guilt that is akin to “Oh crapola. I want to leave my shoes here but I have to pick the damn things up since I just hollered at everyone for leaving theirs in the same spot. Plus I want cookies.” This is the only scenario I seem to have addressed with any level of effectiveness. The others continue to be shining examples of the countless ways unhelp is incorporated into our daily lives.
If you are needing tips on how you can learn to unhelp more around your own home, I strongly recommend that you ask your kids for actual help. It sounds counter-intuitive, but I can assure you that this is the fastest way to witness optimal unhelping techniques. Spouses and partners are also great teachers in this department, but don’t be afraid to look in the mirror either. You, too, have the power to sabotage food storage, house cleanliness, and the general basics of staying organized. If you can recognize the mere seconds it would take to do the job right, and then do absolutely nothing with them instead, you will be well on your way. Best of luck.
***MoJo***
Momentum of Joy 