This is a little snippet of a text conversation I had with my mom a few weeks ago. Clearly I was ribbing her, but sometimes it feels true. We pray and beg and cry, but we stay trapped in an emotional whirlpool where we can barely keep our heads above water. I fully believe that our cries are heard, but we may still have to ride out the waves a little longer. The key is to keep going and to just hold on a bit more. Never stop hoping and never give up.
Thankfully I was able to spend yesterday out of the whirlpool. I didn’t have to ride any major emotional roller coasters. I wasn’t subjected to any blindsiding life events. And I continued to take initiative to keep the good momentum going.
My three goals from yesterday were:
- Assess and go into more detail on the division of labor on the home management scene (a.k.a. sharing the chores).
- Take a little walk beyond the boundaries of my home and yard.
- Write something honest that makes me uncomfortable to share but likely needs to be read by someone who could be helped by it.
These were the results:
- Chore chat – On a scale of “Bleh!” to “Fabulous!” I would give this one a high “Meh.” We talked about it. We split up chores. No big epiphanies, but no big meltdowns either. Chores were knocked out with minimal drama by anyone. That’s actually probably closer to a “Yay!” than a high “Meh.”
- Take a walk – I circled the block to check the mail. That was probably somewhere between 1/3 to 1/2 of a mile. Task complete.
- This seems like really small potatoes, right? But allow me to add these deets for the numbers nerds out there. If you walk 1/3 of a mile every day for one year, that comes to 122 miles. In ten years, you are at 1,217 miles. If if really committed and did this for fifty years, that would mean an extra 6,100 miles. Bumping it to 1/2 a mile a day would mean an extra 183 miles in a year, 1,825 miles in a decade, and 9,125 miles over fifty years. Dat’s a lotta meat-a-balls!
- If I went totally bananas and walked 1 & 1/3 miles daily for fifty years (51.17 years for you fact checkers), I would walk the same distance as the circumference of the Earth (again allow me to save you the lookup time – 24,901 miles). Amazing!
- Write something raw – I wrote about problems, labels, and disorders I have wrestled with my entire life. I wrote about what I am doing to work toward booting any remaining freeloaders off my train for good. I don’t like putting this stuff on paper (electronic or otherwise), but I believe that it’s important that we recognize any negativity we have been empowering, and at times, embracing. We wear our labels like they are fresh off the rack. Even if I can’t fully extricate them from my emotions and my behaviors, I can stop allowing them to define me. I have to be willing to see them for what they are, and hopefully in doing that, I can recognize that they are not who I am but rather attributes and experiences I have meandered and learned from. Taking that a step further, my prayer is that my revealing my own struggles and successes may help someone else keep swimming through their emotional whirlpool until their waters subside. They always do. Just keep swimming. (Now imagine Dory singing those words in “Finding Nemo” – it’s catchy! A bit annoying but catchy nonetheless.)
We are not designed to be “perfect” people (“perfect” per our subjective human standards, definitions and expectations). We are going to be sorely disappointed if we require that of ourselves. I believe that the real game at hand is figuring out that we are the way we are for a reason. We always discover our greatest strengths whenever we overcome our greatest weaknesses. And sometimes it isn’t even about overcoming those weaknesses or shortcomings. Sometimes the actual truth (Truth) is that we have to recognize that they aren’t shortcomings at all. These so called disorders and perceived personality aberrations are an intentional part of who we are. They have a purpose in our lives. We are not broken.
You are not broken.
With that said, I would like to highlight a few of the people who have deeply inspired me to keep going at various times this week. There are so many amazing writers out there, but these individuals have a special kind of style when it comes to sharing their own experiences with adversity and how they tell their struggles to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. The word du jour per the Daily Post is savage, and that is the perfect adjective for these writers. They are honest and real and raw. They speak from their hearts and are perfect just as they are. I don’t share these with you for my benefit. I share them for yours.
https://wakinguponthewrongsideof50.wordpress.com/ – Where to begin when describing this jewel? She is absolutely wonderful on so many more levels than I could ever articulate. Truly. Amusing, heart warming, eclectic, and inspiring. (Hello future me! I utterly adore you!)
https://knockedoverbyafeather.wordpress.com/ – Bad assness at this level needs no introduction, but I will say that my world is infinitely better because she is part of it. (Also I’m dying to see that giant feather!)
https://insidetherainbow.blog/ – She makes me laugh and cry and laugh again every single time, and she speaks to my heart whenever she writes. (I would gladly stand in a line for 4 hours to see “Grease” with this rockstar!)
https://carolrolke.com/blog/ – Introspective, clever, witty, and fierce – I appreciate her words on so many levels. (I’m pickin’ up what you are puttin’ down. Keep sharing all that awesomeness!)
https://authentically50.wordpress.com/ – We face different issues at this point in our lives, but her words transcend the individual scenarios. (I’m truly thankful that I stumbled across your blog. Such divine providence! You are a blessing.)
My father gave me this little sign for my desk years ago. Such powerful words. Thanks for the reminder Pop.
Be fierce. Be yourself. Never give up. Never give in.
***Joanna***
Momentum of Joy 