Not legs. Leg. And not even the whole leg. It was basically half of a leg.
There’s a reason why “Wax a Leg” has yet to hit the Top Things to do in Houston or Anywhere Else on the Planet list this year, and that reason is this. It sucks. Big frickin’ time. Nevertheless this was one of the more significant dicey parenting choices that I selected for today.
Although I will remain perpetually baffled at God’s decision to have me personally bake and subsequently care for three small humans of my own, I do try to make the best decisions I can for those miniature people. The issue is that the term “best decision” has proven to be a severely grey area that is frequently clear as mud until said decision has either proven to be a good one or a mega crapfest of a choice. The jury is still out on the hair removal du jour, but here’s the story at this point.
When a girl begins to bloom into the beauty of becoming a woman… Blech! Did you just throw up in your mouth a little, too? Who talks like that? (Way too many tampon commercials – that’s who.) Allow me to try this again.
There is no blooming occurring. The issue is simply this – my kid has furry legs, and she is too old to look like she is actively playing the role of Mr. Tumnus, the friendly faun from Narnia. Being a southern girl myself, I’m of the belief that if you are to the point in your life where you need a bra and deodorant, it’s time for your legs to exit the wolf pack.
I seriously contemplated teaching her how to shave, but the idea of handing a razor to my kid sounded good NEVER. Admittedly it’s a quicker approach on a single session basis, but shaving is never a single session anything. It is a commitment to a daily(ish) dance with a blade sliding around one’s knees, backs of legs, and whatever other south of the border action in need of landscaping. Without a doubt, waxing hurts hard core at first, but anyone who has gone that route multiple times will confirm that it gets much better. In addition you have to wax once a month maybe. The pain of waxing decreases dramatically, but that accidental slice of the razor never fades in the slightest. Depilatory creams stink to high heaven, and laser hair removal is crazy expensive and also quite painful.
I really did give the various alternatives extensive thought before initiating the world’s crappiest mother / daughter spa session. Ultimately, I felt like a couple of distinctly unfun bouts of waxing would far outweigh future winter leg fuzz so bristly that wire brushes would feel envious as well as the countless accidental razor slices in the years to come. Sadly (but not surprisingly), my preemptive evaluations were neither here nor there to my poor little she-wolf cub.
Naturally she loved all ten thousand swipes that jerked countless hairs out of each square millimeter of skin, and she heartily requested that I please just beat her in a burlap sack for our next girls’ only event. Because we were enjoying that special time together so much, we opted to hold off on de-furring the remaining thigh and entire other leg (because we ran out of wax and it was too effing stressful to even consider tackling lamb shank # 2).
So now I have a tweenager that has one lady leg and one puppy paw. My poor kid. Incredibly she is still speaking to me, and even more incredibly, we actually plan to finish both legs whenever the additional wax arrives.
Did I make the best choice on her behalf? I have no freaking clue. As I said, this is a long game approach, so only time will tell. I do have another daughter waiting in the wings, so maybe we will test run shaving on her when the time comes. Whichever teenager requires less therapy will win, and we can then inform the other she-wolf cubs accordingly. Based on this post, I am confident that ample therapy will be involved for all family members discussed herein, so perhaps we should consider devising an alternate evaluation system for best leg hair removal practices.
I’m not asking for anyone’s blessing on this. We all fly the parenting dysfunction flag in our own magical way, so no one else has to agree. In fact, you are welcome to judge me. I get it. Really. Try though you might, nobody in the world judges my parenting with greater severity than I do. But I draw the line at furry bra-less daughters with that naturally fresh scent of b.o. that burns all surrounding nose hairs. I just wish that there was a less painful alternative for all parties involved. Being a woman is rough stuff, and the coming of age crap we deal with is not for the faint of heart (or leg). Thankfully, my daughter is quite feisty (probably learned behavior from all that time with the wolves) and can survive anything that heads her way – even her own mom.
Bear hugs to all. Jo
***My daughter is a total bad ass and actually handled today with tremendous bravery. In truth, we discussed the plan before we began. Of course talking about the discomfort of waxing in no way prepares anyone for the reality of experiencing the “discomfort” of waxing. Regardless she handled it so much better than I could have ever expected. That kid is a rockstar, and I adore her beyond words – fuzz and all. 😉
Momentum of Joy 
Aug 02, 2018 @ 19:50:12
Oh Joanna! You’re priceless! I just handed Stace a razor and wished her the best. This probably wouldn’t have struck home with me so much except I went and had my “hooha” ripped off today after a 5-6 week break. Dear Lord was it painful! I feel for your girl and the fact that you had to be the perpetrator.
Aug 02, 2018 @ 20:59:54
I have a couple of classic hoo-hah tales I have to tell you later. Giiiiirl that is one place I shall NOT be assisting my daughter with addressing. Lol!!! 😂😂😂
Aug 02, 2018 @ 20:24:29
Ha ha. I loved this post. It reminded me of the day I brought my ten-year-old daughter to the hair salon to have the ten thousand knots removed from her hair. She never wanted me to brush her hair so I let her do it herself. Eventually, the rats nest on top of her head had to be combed out. As three stylists in the salon worked on my daughter’s hair, they looked at me as if to say, “What the hell kind of mother are you?”
Aug 02, 2018 @ 21:11:55
Lol oh that’s so my kind of parenting. My poor kids often here my say, “I strongly advise against that…” and that is shortly followed with “Really – you should stop or that’s going to be a very uncomfortable lesson.” Not that my daughter asked for this lesson on any level. It’s just one of those super crappy coming of age reality for this mama bear’s brave cub. 😉
Aug 03, 2018 @ 06:55:13
So nice to know you’re a mom like me! It makes me feel less psycho. LOL I’m glad we’re virtual friends. You’re the best.
Aug 03, 2018 @ 09:21:04
I’m not sure if I’m the best comparison for non-psycho mom but I’ll take it! 😂😂😂
Aug 03, 2018 @ 06:48:15
Ahhhahahahaaha! I needed this laugh!
Aug 03, 2018 @ 09:18:33
Lol so glad that you appreciated the humor! 😉
Aug 03, 2018 @ 06:49:11
Also, relatable. I have told many people that I should have named my daughter “Esau”. The child was downright furry when she was born. Maybe they are from a similar pack!
Aug 03, 2018 @ 09:20:29
Whenever I hear Zach talk about the wolf pack on the movie The Hangover, I wonder if he is referring to my family. Makes me laugh every damn time. 😂
Aug 03, 2018 @ 09:20:48
🤣🤣🤣
Aug 03, 2018 @ 09:38:36
I love this post! it is something I think about for my daughter when I look at her. She is 9 years old, and started to have hair on her legs, and I think she has my genes of having hair everywhere. I told myself if one day she complains about it, I will help her and teach her how to shave or wax! I remembered I complained to my mom and she kept telling me “don’t worry about it, the amount of hair will decrease as you are older!” and I waited and waited…..waxed until I was 33, my hair was still growing like weeds…and finally I went and got laser hair removal. That was the best thing I have done in my life. haha..i probably had to wait till I was 60 to have no body hair .
Aug 03, 2018 @ 09:45:52
It’s one of those terrible female rites of passage we have to face! I did a little of the lazer, too, but it was excruciating and too forever to do the smallest areas! You were a brave soul to stick that out!!!
Aug 04, 2018 @ 11:23:32
Your kid is a rock star! I wussed out after one swipe. I live on the edge with my razor in hand. great tale…thanks for sharing!
Aug 06, 2018 @ 21:31:27
I had wax guilt so I waxed my own legs, too. Shiznet that hurt! And you don’t even want to know about how much it hurt to do the pits! (Ok – I recognize that you probably need less than zero information about basically anything at all pertaining to my pits but somehow this was still worse.) 😉
Aug 12, 2018 @ 18:56:09
lol…yep tried it once on legs…never again…can’t even imagine the pits….just OW!
Aug 12, 2018 @ 22:39:21
Lol
Aug 05, 2018 @ 01:50:29
I have the Chuck Norris of leg hair. I’ve tried all those creams, but nothing removes my hair. Wax? Uh uh. I’ve heard the screams and I don’t do pain if I can help it. That said, I’m walking around with bits of toilet paper stuck to my legs where I’ve cut myself…
Aug 06, 2018 @ 21:36:46
I don’t want to laugh but I’m not going to lie…I’m laughing. That’s so me. I swear I have these brillo pad leg hairs that are refusing to be whisked away. They won’t freaking go but I refuse to wax and shave! I have tied myself to the wax wagon now that I have subjected my poor kid / test case to this road. I’m praying that the “this will be sooo much easier next time” story I keep telling her proves true. If not, I’m certain that I have a lighting bolt with my name on it.
Aug 06, 2018 @ 13:05:12
Holy crap that’s funny. And scary. Because my daughter is almost 8 and I know these sorts of situations are barrelling down at me as well.
Aug 06, 2018 @ 21:40:33
Dude. Just wait. Youwont believe how quickly the whole wolflette situation comes a-howlin’ your way, too! 🐺
Aug 07, 2018 @ 09:11:19
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂. Had to get that out first. Second, Sophia just did it on her own one day after we had a brief conversation about starting this summer (this was months before summer started, mind you). This reminded me of when I was in middle school and decided that my big desire for Christmas that year was an Epilady. Do you remember those things? I got the torture machine for Christmas, as requested. I tried it 1 time and NEVER touched it again.
Aug 07, 2018 @ 10:05:26
My mom and I were just talking about that device of torture yesterday!!!