I hate feeling this way. It’s like my mind decided to take a trip to Crazyville, and I can’t get off the damn bus.
It frightens me when I feel this way. I don’t like facing the sense of being out of control. My thoughts race. My emotions whipsaw back and forth at random. And I can’t even tell you what set it off.
Maybe my hormones bought a ticket on the world’s crappiest roller coaster. Maybe I’m overwhelmed with the endless day to day everything. Maybe I’m tired. I just don’t know, but that almost makes it worse. I am a looney without a cause, and I don’t like it. I feel lost.
But what I do know for certain is this – the main thing to hold onto during these rotten mind screw moments is the knowledge that what feels like reality in this moment is not actually as definitive as it seems. In fact it’s a total mental sham.
So I’m going to find some way to redirect my brain back onto the rails and keep holding on until that happens. My mind will settle back to normal sooner or later (very much hoping that it opts for sooner). This isn’t my favorite moment. Not at all. But I will be okay. The clouds always clear. I just need to give time for the sun to peek through once more. It will. It always does.
Much love to anyone else who is in this moment, too. I’m so picking up what you are putting down my friend, but we will get through it.
Hugs to you. Jo
Momentum of Joy 
Jun 25, 2018 @ 06:54:18
For me it is always the fact that ‘Now is not forever’ that brings me through these moments.
This too shall pass. Hope it passes soon for you.
Jun 25, 2018 @ 12:27:49
I love that Louise. I think I’m going to make a sign with those words and plop it in front of my face every time I feel lost. You are wonderful! I so mean that. ❤️
Jun 25, 2018 @ 06:54:37
Hold On Jo. I was just visiting CrazyTown… I didn’t like it but as luck would have it when my ship came in I was at the train station!!! This too, shall pass! Thinking of you today. xo
Jun 25, 2018 @ 12:29:53
Ha! I find that I have to force myself back to the station via doing something else. Thank heavens that my brain seems to have evened out a bit today. Hopefully it will keep that pattern up. Big hugs to you. I’m always here if you even need an ear or a shoulder. ❤️
Jun 25, 2018 @ 08:35:48
Sending heartfelt hugs to you Jo. We are all here for you as well. I think we all have those times in our lives that feel similarly to what you so aptly describe. Just know I’m sending you white light and love xo
Jun 25, 2018 @ 13:39:13
Thank you darling friend. ❤️
Jun 25, 2018 @ 08:50:17
Sending hugs across the miles and hoping this passes quickly, Jo!! xoxo
Jun 25, 2018 @ 13:40:07
You’re the best! And thank you sweet friend. ❤️
Jun 25, 2018 @ 09:10:58
I know exactly what you are saying my friend, I´ve lived with it my whole life. Let me share with you some things I have practiced on myself, recommended to others or just read.
You, just like me, are very high in two personality traits: openness to experience (creativity) and neuroticism (anxiety and emotional unbalance). This combination is pretty rough. When you are an open person (creative) you always have something in your head, thousands of thoughts during the day. The problem with that when you are also high in neuroticism is that you don´t handle uncertainty very well, so all these ideas and concepts in your head make you anxious and stressed since you don´t know what to expect from them (is it good or bad? should I care?). So, uncertainty is what you´re fighting against (you called it “a sense of being out of control”). You need certainty in your life and that is found in structure: sleeping at the the same time, follow a schedule, etc. I am pretty sure that the idea of Steve Jobs to dress always the same was designed to fight his high neuroticism and openness; dressing always the same allowed him to stop thinking about it, so it was something less for him to worry about during the day (certainty on what to wear). With his high openness I am pretty sure he could have spent hours thinking about what to wear and then get anxious about it. His strategy may look kind of an OCD, but it was his way to find structure and it worked for him.
I have read that when you are high in neuroticism your diet becomes extra important. Big breakfasts are recommended and keep eating several times during the day (not carbs) especially if you feel anxious because it could be that you are deregulated in your stress related insuline production. You don´t want to be anxious because you are hungry.
Lately you have been concerned about your diet, choose finally what you want to eat, what is the best for you and stop worrying about it. Maybe you have already done it.
I love meditation but when I started it was pretty stressful for me because I wanted to follow on the idea to empty my mind and that it´s definitely almost an impossible task for me or any person high in openness. So, I knew about an Osho book on active meditation; that book (Osho Dynamic Meditation) is great because active meditation is kind of doing repetitive tasks until you reach a meditative state of mind, so it does not require you to stay silent and quiet. It is a book + CD that I found very useful to keep me calm.
I hope you find this useful for you. Hugs!!
Jun 25, 2018 @ 13:46:20
Am I allowed to tease you for openly admitting that you still use CDs? 😉 I’m totally kidding of course, and I thank you for your wise words more than I can tell you. Being this way is a dance, isn’t it? The food thing is huge for me definitely, but sometimes it goes beyond that. It’s like my mind just says, “Nope we aren’t going to do normal today” and that’s that. I have to ride it out until it passes, and eventually it always does. I think my drive to be creative is my saving grace. The projects, writing, photography, or anything along those lines serve as a kind of mental refresher for me. In a way, o suppose that that is my active meditation process. It calms my mind and allows me to reconnect with that innate creative spirit within me that makes me feel grounded and productive.
I’m truly thankful for you my friend. Even if you do use CDs. 😉 Xoxox
Jun 25, 2018 @ 09:26:59
Ugh. The very same thing happened to me two nights ago… my mind was racing, considering every worst case scenario–when I should’ve been sound asleep. I had myself so worked up–everything felt overwhelming and horrible. But nothing had happened. Nothing had changed about my world. It was just my brain. I was so relieved the next day when I realized it was all hormonal. It felt very real & very frightening. Hang in there. There’s light on the other side. ❤
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:00:06
Ugh I call that crappy night phenomenon “crazy brain” and that makes me go bananas. It’s bizarre watching yourself and knowing that it’s irrational but not being able to reel it back. I think it’s actually worse at night, too, because you can’t exactly get up and start doing a bunch of stuff to distract yourself. I’m sorry that you have to deal with that sometimes, but I do appreciate your reminding me that I’m not alone in the mental mind train! 😉 Big hugs to you honey!
Jun 25, 2018 @ 12:43:38
I hate those days! Wish God would have invented an “on and off switch” just for those days! Sending hugs! ❤
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:02:23
I am so hearing you there!
Jun 25, 2018 @ 12:56:29
Jo, I’m sorry you’re having these feelings right now. I’ve been there and I hate it. Know that it doesn’t last. The scary thoughts aren’t rational. That’s what I tell myself and it seems to help. Know that you’re not alone. Take care and HUGS! xoxoxo
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:07:48
That’s the key, right? Remembering that it really does pass. I firmly believe that the epidemic of suicide would be eradicated if people could just remember to wait it out. Thank you for your kindness darling friend. I truly appreciate that you are one of my Earth angels keeping me afloat when I get knocked out of my raft. 😉 Big hugs to you darling. Jo
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:01:52
Hugs right back. The mental battle can be brutal. Wishing you equal amounts of peace Jo.
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:08:24
Thank you love. And yes. It can be a serious butt kicker at times!
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:18:55
Hey, I bought the book many years ago. 😉
I´ve always thought that your biggest asset is always your biggest curse. Creativity and analysis have been that for me. I can spend hours and hours thinking new ways to solve problems, to innovate, to write and I really enjoy it, but sometimes I enjoy it so much that I change my mind every two seconds because of a new idea comes into my mind. It is very difficult for me to be steady at anything.
It happens the same with analysis. I love to analyze everything so much that sometimes I don´t even realize that I have to execute and stop thinking.
Sometimes I wonder if coaching is good for me because it allows me to help people solve problems through analysis, has helped me understand so much about myself, but it exacerbates my need to keep analyzing everything and trying to fix it. So, maybe it´s making me to go a little bit more extreme.
I definitely need to express my creativity through more artistic endeavors and not just use it for work purposes. It seems to work fine with you. So, maybe my next job is going to be in Hollywood. Who knows? 😉
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:25:22
I think that our greatest attributes always show up as our biggest strengths as well as our biggest weaknesses. It’s that funky dichotomy that is innate to humanity. We beat ourselves up when it doesn’t seem to serve us, and we celebrate it when it does. If we could figure out how to accept the whole package, we might realize that we are pretty amazing all the time regardless of where we are on that scale.
And yes to Hollywood. Also please make a lot of money and please please put me on your payroll. 😉
Jun 25, 2018 @ 14:35:33
Ok, deal. You´re gonna be my manager. I hope 1% is good for you.
Jun 25, 2018 @ 16:54:13
I’m sorry pero no hablo ingles and definitely no hablo 1%. 😂
Jun 25, 2018 @ 18:11:38
Eso no fue un buen comienzo para una relación de negocios. 😉
Jun 25, 2018 @ 18:15:14
Lol
Jun 25, 2018 @ 16:18:41
I understand. I struggle with my mind sometimes as you do.
Jul 15, 2018 @ 15:23:01
We all do darling.
Jun 26, 2018 @ 00:45:21
Needless to say, I get this. Big hugs. X
Jun 26, 2018 @ 00:45:52
same to you chica 🙂
Jun 26, 2018 @ 22:04:16
Reblogged this on Life in the Spectrum.
Jul 16, 2018 @ 10:09:43
I’ve been feeling like this since Friday 😦
Jul 16, 2018 @ 10:17:45
Yuck. I hate those waves of feeling mentally beat up. Hang in there darling. You are amazing and the clouds will pass. ❤️