OCD and a standard human reaction do not always show up in the same scenario – at least not in my house. While I maintain a fierce disdain for dishonesty, I often find that my tolerance for true honesty can be much much lower.
In all fairness to me, it’s not the candor that gets under my skin. Rather it’s the absolute blunt format of said perspective. This is doubly ironic (and some might add seriously hypocritical) given that I am nothing if not utterly and hopelessly unfiltered in 99.9999% of my own responses.
I don’t want to be angry with He Who Shall Not Be Named (a.k.a. He Who Will Be Sleeping On The Sofa If He Keeps Giving Unfiltered Opinions), but I’m fairly irritated at the moment. We just moved into this home a few weeks ago and have been up to our eyeballs with the glories of life a la moving boxes. OCD and decorating are great when you have endless time and money falling out of your a-haul. But if they aren’t, arranging and designing your home become more stressors on the OCD hyper-focus list.
So when I finally extricated all things Christmas from my shelves and living room this evening, I decided to take a first run at the fireplace mantle. This is a major focal point in my unschooled designer brain, and I always make several attempts at this before I get settled. It’s never perfect on round one nor is it there by round ten.
However that doesn’t mean that I’m ever going to respond lightly to a casual spousal comment that uses an excited tone combined with the words, “Wow! That really jumps out at you. Those sticks look like a big scary tree!”
Shut. Yo. Face.
Did he talk smack about my mama? No. Did he mention how nice it would be if I could still wear the same pants I wore when we first met (or even two years ago…)? The local news would be covering my reaction to that one if he had, but no. Never that. He just made a doofy comment about the stupid sticks on the mantle. And he wasn’t wrong.
But was this his first day with me? Nope. Hadn’t he learned from the other ten zillion overreactions that I had displayed in response to countless other uncensored observations that that kind of sh@! wouldn’t be missing any of the surrounding fans if he spoke the words aloud rather than retaining them in his noggin where they belonged? Apparently not.
Incredibly (to me) he was thoroughly annoyed that he couldn’t just “make a comment” without sending me into a redesign overhaul frenzy. I spent another hour + fixing sticks in a jar. Yes. Frickin sticks. And frankly I’m still completely dissatisfied with them. Forget the mismatched candles or the hearth accents that aren’t at all what I want. It’s the damn sticks. I need them for height. They keep a natural feel while providing a visual balance to the other accents on the shelves flanking the mantle. Except this one isn’t the right size and that one is too dark and this one is a smidge too tall and and and…
This kind of stuff – my frenzied reactions – irritate him, but his annoyance doesn’t compare to how truly maddening my responses are to me. And this is where I step back to observe the whole scenario via the “Rational Person Watching the OCD Behavior from the Outside” mirror.
It really is unnerving. Although his comment could have been delivered in a smoother way, he wasn’t speaking with unkindness. Bad judgement call on his part? Yes. Mean intentions? Not in the slightest. And there were too many sticks, and they were too tall. I could see that, too.
Why did his innocuous comment send me into redesign overdrive? Why does my mind have zero reservations about responding this way whenever my feelings get slightly ruffled? I’m not bothered that he made the comment. At that moment, he was wearing a white undershirt, ratty shorts, grandpa slippers, and tall dark socks – clearly this level of fashion underscores his unwavering commitment to design and style in his own life so his decor critique must be without question as well. I’m just frustrated that I internalized and, maybe more accurately, externalized it in such an irrational way.
I struggle deeply with futile attempts to rein in these responses. My grandiose and inexplicable attempts to dispel inordinate levels of frustration are by no means limited to reactions to my husband’s comments. He just happens to be the primary owner of the never ending season pass to the MoJo Show, and that buys him a front row seat to the madness. For the vast majority of the rest of the world, the bulk of my idiosyncratic backlash typically stays hidden behind the scenes. But it’s still there regardless just waiting to flip into action.
Thankfully for me, my husband seems to have accepted it all with relative indifference coupled with a head shake and an eyeroll, and thankfully for him, he has stopped giving design feedback for the evening. The candles, hearth, and shelves still await further modifications, but I would wager that I will receive no further commentary based on the Great Stick Mania of 2018. I would feel sorry for him, but seriously man – choose your words and then speak them. After almost twenty years, you should know how this dance is going to go.
At the end of the day, we all have some fault in our character that we would love to wash away – an imperfection in our facade, a peccadillo in our personality – but the people who matter will recognize that the rough moments pale in comparison to the true beauty within you. Relationships aren’t meant to be perfect, and we have to accept that they will have their ups and downs. The same is true for our own mental and emotional states – no perfection or endless smooth sailing to be found there either.
But my sticks are perfect dammit. So at least we have that.
Happy new year to all of you! May your year be full of joy and blessings. May you always find the humor in yourself and in those around you. And above all, may you find the right sized sticks should you decide to attempt to arrange them on your mantle.
Much love to you. ❤️ Jo
Momentum of Joy 
Jan 03, 2018 @ 02:58:48
If the fireplace on this post is your Jo, I honestly do like it 🙂
Jan 03, 2018 @ 08:49:43
Thank you lovely. It’s very much in progress and my camera stinks at capturing the warmth of a room or anything at the macro level. I actually wanted to ask you about that because your food pics turn out so nice. Do you use your phone or do you have a specific camera that you go to for your beautiful shots?
Jan 03, 2018 @ 10:37:28
Are you kidding me that really looks nice!!! My phone is very old so I definitely do not take pictures from that, but I have a small portable Panasonic camera, you know the kind that the lenses pop out when you press the open button. It is quite old, but thank you for saying that my pictures are nice….I am hoping, that maybeeeeeee sometime this year I will be able to get a new one with those great lenses since I truly want and love being a food blogger and this will be my main choice of work. 🙂 Given up on everything else this makes me happy…:) Let me know if you need the model type 🙂 Huge hugsss Joooo and the fireplace looks great
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:28:28
You are so much more talented than you realize girl. Don’t give up on the food blogging ever (unless you stop enjoying it of course). You are amazing honey!
Jan 31, 2018 @ 04:58:00
Awww Jo you sweet of you 🙂
Jan 03, 2018 @ 04:54:50
FWIW, Jo, I kinda like the sticks. And if it makes you feel any better, my husband is subtly nuanced in his decorating observations. I recently put out a new bowl filled with potpourri and he proceeded to ask what the deal was with the stinky wood. I can’t even….. Happy New Year ‘Martha.’ 😜
Jan 03, 2018 @ 08:47:55
I snorted when I read your man’s comment. I met a guy the other day who used the word “applique” in a sentence with total comfort. That guy can give us design feedback. Black socks with shorts and slippers men cannot.
Jan 03, 2018 @ 08:41:40
Looking at the chimney picture I cannot help noticing that there is nothing from Star Wars. What is wrong with you? I would also add an Astros cap.
Jan 03, 2018 @ 08:46:23
This is just a guess, but I have a strong feeling that you, too, are wearing a white undershirt, ratty shorts, grandpa slippers and tall dark socks at the moment. Don’t bother telling me I’m wrong. We both know that I’m right. 😝. Happy new year darling!
Jan 03, 2018 @ 09:59:18
By the way, jokes aside, I do love your fireplace!! There is always need for a feminine touch in decorating.
Jan 03, 2018 @ 08:53:31
Jajaja. I had a couple more suggestions but ok I´ll keep my mouth shut. My decorating wisdom is not appreciated. Happy New Year!
Jan 03, 2018 @ 09:20:12
That looks so good, I love it, and am a bit envious : ) (my place too small for a mantle, plus I’d never use it, it’s too hot here in the tropics), G
Jan 03, 2018 @ 08:51:57
What I wouldn’t give for some tropical heat right now! Normally it’s a steam bath here, but it’s in the 20s outside at the moment. That’s child’s play to many, but it’s pretty stinkin’ cold here! 🙂 With that said, I do like to have a fire going every now and then. Maybe it’s my inner cave woman, but there’s something very soothing about it (once you stop arguing with your spouse about stupid stuff like mantle sticks). 😉
Jan 03, 2018 @ 14:58:24
😃😘
Jan 03, 2018 @ 10:42:27
I think I can overlook the black socks and slippers… NO, I CaNNOT! BAhHAHAHAHA! To the couch! Away with you! That fireplace is gorgeous! I’m so freakin’ jealous! It’s -38 here. All I have is a stupid electric FAKE fireplace. (I’m on my third model in the 13 years we’ve lived in this home with no fireplace.) Happy New Year MoJo! ~Kim
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:47:50
-38??? What the eff woman? Did you move to the moon????
Jan 30, 2018 @ 10:00:26
Close enough… Minnesota! Ha!
Jan 30, 2018 @ 10:16:19
😂
Jan 03, 2018 @ 11:49:45
Love!!xoxoxo
Jan 03, 2018 @ 13:44:59
The sticks look fab. Happy New Year darling Jo. I hope the new house and your family are treating you fine.. Have as many reactions as want… It’s all cool
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:48:18
You know how much I love me some reactions! 😂
Jan 30, 2018 @ 07:06:09
Hahaha yes you do
Jan 04, 2018 @ 08:09:58
Thanks for sharing your frustrating moments in such an entertaining way. We all have those freak-out moments so don’t be so hard on yourself. Next time, throw the damn sticks in the fireplace and turn it on and then go shopping for something new and have some chocolate cake (or ice cream). It works! 🙂 Seriously, better days are ahead. You’ve dealt with a lot of change and trauma (floods) recently. Those can leave anyone feeling raw. You got this!
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:51:58
Girl we worked for those sticks! But I think throwing things into the fireplace is a fabulous idea (once I remove the glass and convert it to wood-burning versus gas). Perhaps I can start with his socks! Lol
Jan 05, 2018 @ 06:48:17
Great post! – men and there comments, eh? Especially on interior design! When I saw the picture of your fireplace I thought, love the stone work, candles and then i noticed the sticks, and thought …perfect! And this is a genuine response, so well done you!
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:54:46
He appreciatess my not so well-timed comments as much as I appreciate his, so I suppose it’s only fair play. I would just think that he would have figured this out with decades of experience in this dance, but clearly that’s not in the cards for any of us! 😝
Jan 05, 2018 @ 10:36:35
Is that your fireplace? It’s fabulous!
Happy New Year, Jo 🙂 X
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:54:55
🤗🤗🤗
Jan 05, 2018 @ 17:55:32
many happy returns jo, i had to laugh at this, you tell the story in a great way, you are so funny. xo
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:55:15
Thank you darling! I hope that you are well!
Jan 05, 2018 @ 18:19:30
As a certified tree-hugger I like the sticks; and the rest of the arrangement! Great post! 🙂
Jan 30, 2018 @ 06:56:48
Ironically I have moved every single item off the mantle EXCEPT FOR THE STICKS! I’m tackling every other thing and then going back to that one. It’s just funny that only the sticks are still there! I wish that you were here to decorate with me. You have an awesome eye for it!
Jan 09, 2018 @ 22:40:58
I, too, struggle with OCD and have a husband who takes the brunt of my wrath!
Jan 30, 2018 @ 07:05:06
You would think that they would learn to duck and cover! 😂😂😂
Feb 01, 2018 @ 18:08:28
Have I told you lately that I love you? I miss you? And your blog with its special candor, truth and wonderful way makes me smile (and giggle from time to time)? We’ve been friends for ages so I understand – silly man! But I do want to say, that in truth, that’s a beautiful hearth and your decor is spot on perfect! xoxo
Feb 03, 2018 @ 14:51:20
Well the hearth has since been overhauled, but the sticks are still there! And thank you. For everything. You are such a light in my life darling friend. 🙂