The Road to Hell is Paved with Varnish, but There’s Still Gratitude to Spare

When your house has been listed for sale since the Triassic period, you definitely want to learn that you are going to have a second showing the day after you have a couple dozen families over to carve Halloween pumpkins. As cleaning up after anything with that many small kids is sure to be a non-event, I highly recommend that you follow my wise lead and opt to refinish your front door that same evening as well. If at all possible, only do this when the weather is cold enough to ensure that the wax or varnish won’t dry by the following day when the actual showing is to occur. Ideally you want to make sure that it just sticky enough to be impossible to wipe off with a rag yet still tacky enough to be able to get all over the hands of those potential buyers when they touch your door. Imagine tar but without all those ginormous dino bones mucking up your masterpiece.

If you do this, the visitors will return the favor by staying an hour and a half in your home (forget that silly hour window we agreed upon), repositioning all of your window treatments (unevenly – and that’s where you lose me), playing with your kids’ toys and leaving them in various places throughout the house, and sitting on your beds (my perpetual fav that incredibly keeps happening!). Honestly I’m to the point where they could try on my bras as long as they ultimately gave us a good offer and bought the house. I would only request that they wash their sticky mits before doing so.

Every single time we have a showing request, it causes – no that’s not right – I cause utter chaos in my ridiculous attempt to create order. I spiral wildly as I search for control. My poor family does a perfect imitation of repelling magnets as they maintain a safety bubble of distance away from me as I dash from room to room. I move into ludicrous speed and frantically tackle whatever unimportant detail that my mind chooses to believe is a potential random item that these people might notice.

The problem (in addition to me) is that these specific buyers stayed the full hour the first time they came here. Our video camera showed that they spent surprising amounts of time on items that seemed nit-picky (even to me!). Does this hardware move on this fixed door to allow it to open another way even though the adjacent door is all good (thus indicating that yes it’s fine and is this really a deal breaker anyway?)? What do the window treatments look like if we move them all up several inches but leave them at varying heights throughout the first floor? Why is there a cemetery in the front yard, and is it really included with the house as indicated by the FOR SALE sign? I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders as my OCD sat watching the footage with mouth agape. Sorry OCD. Someone has out-insignificant detailed you.

As my OCD never settles for second place, it chooses nonsensical tasks like refinishing doors in response to the challenge. I see it happening. I know that the timing is wrong. But I just can’t shackle the nutty girl who has taken the wheel and is driving the bus at that point. Whenever it happens, I want to hand my husband a note that says, “Remember when you said ‘For better or worse…’? Well this ain’t the better part.” Sadly he doesn’t need a note to clue him into that reality. Every irrational action I take displays this like a neon sign. He’s a good man, and I’m truly thankful for him. I’m blessed to have him, no one should be stuck dealing with this level of nonsense. Then again, he’s at the World Series as I type this, so maybe he will survive after all. (An amazing friend offered him her extra ticket. I’m thrilled for him and incredibly thankful for that awesome pal!)

I am grateful that we had a second showing, and I’m hopeful that it went well. We assumed that they might be moving in this evening when they wouldn’t leave, but eventually they scooted out. At this point we haven’t heard back yet. The good news is that it appears that none of my bras have wax or varnish on them, so I guess they followed at least one of my rules. I’m just so ready to hand the keys and mortgage over to another family who appreciates this house and genuinely wants to call it home.

I was hoping to do tons of other stuff today, but again, if the house sells, it’s definitely worth it. Fingers and toes are crossed. It will work out no matter what, but it sure would be lovely if it worked out now.

I hope that you avoid sticky situations of your own and that your week is a good one. Blessings to all of you.

Joanna 😉


51 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. juliehcares
    Oct 29, 2017 @ 22:17:14

    Mine too! I think that’s one of the reasons I moved now instead of waiting for the sale. I hate people touching my stuff and having to make it spotless every single time someone is coming over! Good luck and I am SO jealous of your hubby!!! I wish I could be there tonight but alas, nobody gave me a ticket. 😫


    • MoJo
      Oct 29, 2017 @ 22:35:07

      Please note that Willy Wonka left me stranded and ticket-less as well. As a mega crappy bonus, one of my kids just donked her head really hard so that has me stressed to pieces. I’m sure that she’s ok, but my mind is going a zillion directions. I’m totally concerned about her noggin but I don’t want to make her feel tons worse by taking her in and waiting for hours as she wails about wanting to go home and then having them tell me that she bonked her head. Bleh! I stink at being a chill parent worse than the way I stink at chilling at house selling!
      Ironically her little knot in her brow does put all of the house worries in perspective. My poor munchkin.


      • juliehcares
        Oct 29, 2017 @ 22:49:34

        Aww! Try not to fret too much. I’m sure she will be okay. Tomorrow morning just ask about dizziness and seeing spots. If neither, she’s fine. I wish we could both be there cheering our team!

      • MoJo
        Oct 29, 2017 @ 23:09:48

        I hope so and I truly appreciate the love. And yes – it looks like another crazy game!

  2. ~M
    Oct 29, 2017 @ 22:21:10

    Too funny! 😉


  3. Jodi Stibora
    Oct 29, 2017 @ 22:49:17

    You have such a different perspective-but you never fail to entertain! It’ll happen when it’s supposed to. Not always on your timeline though.


    • MoJo
      Oct 29, 2017 @ 23:08:07

      I always say that I can hear God giggle whenever I use the words “my plan.” It’s funny because His/Her plan always works out tons better than mine. You would think that I would have figured this out by now. 😘


  4. mainepaperpusher
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 02:03:50

    I think I would go mad. That’s probably why we’ve lived in the same house for over 30 years. Where will you go when you sell. Notice I didn’t say IF!


  5. Tracy
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 02:23:21

    Hehe We have this coming soon as we’re going to putting our house on the market. If my nerves can stand the strain, that is. 😉


    • MoJo
      Oct 30, 2017 @ 06:03:44

      Oh my friend – I don’t look forward to your stories because I know totally how that feels but I’m going to giggle with you when they start. I thought that I was a nutball until other people started coming into my home. Apparently everyone is crazy!


  6. manyofus1980
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 03:28:22

    i have everything crossed for you that it will sell! keep us posted. xx


  7. foodzesty
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 05:58:20

    hahahaha just too funny Jo hahahaha


  8. TJ Fox
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 06:51:28

    Sitting on the bed?! Really? Holy cow. Do people not understand the concept of boundaries and personal space? Unless you’ve listed the bed as staying with the house there is absolutely zero reason to do that. Sheesh!

    I went crazy when we sold our last house doing all kinds of projects to spruce it up. It hadn’t sold when we moved into this one (huge risk) so it ended up being empty so I never had an issue with weird things with the furniture.


    • MoJo
      Oct 30, 2017 @ 07:06:18

      Yeah – it shocked me as well the first time it happened. It shocked me even more the next time someone sat on our beds. Now it has happened repeatedly, and while I’m still insanely annoyed, I’m no longer surprised. Perhaps I should take down the sign that says “Mattress Store Here!” at the entrance to all of our bedrooms??? 😂😉


  9. James J. Cudney IV
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 07:10:11

    This is a tough one… I’ve never been thrilled with the open houses I’ve had in the past. Agents were good, but too many people doing weird things! Sorry, but at least I’m in OCD land with you on this one. Good luck.


    • MoJo
      Oct 30, 2017 @ 07:12:06

      Yeah. Nothing makes you realize that you are more normal than you ever imagined quite like showing your house to strangers.


  10. magickmermaid
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 10:21:28

    This made me LOL! My friends were in the process of selling their house and they had some wacky stories. I still can’t believe that prospective buyers sit on the beds or adjust the window treatments! 🙂


  11. I tripped over a stone.
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 12:35:39

    OMG! Me too! And just for refinancing… I’ll be a complete madwoman when we list. I. Just. Can’t. Imagine. (she says as she is tearing her hair out)! Good news is, you live through it every time and remain puzzled as to human nature in itself. ??? xo~Kim


  12. Blog Andrew
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 15:43:49

    Deep breaths, and I don’t know but something tells me you were being a touch sarcastic in that opening paragraph, might be wrong:D btw the bra try-on actually made me laugh out loud!


    • MoJo
      Oct 30, 2017 @ 22:32:25

      Sarcastic??? Moi??? 😉 And if it made you laugh, that makes it worth it for me! But seriously, I really hope that someone buys this lovely home. It has to be ready for its new family by now!!!!


  13. wakinguponthewrongsideof50
    Oct 30, 2017 @ 16:57:41

    I’m so sorry you haven’t sold your house, but I might sorry…..this was toooo funny!! But I would like pictures if they try on your bras……miss you!!


  14. Writer Lori
    Oct 31, 2017 @ 14:13:04

    Jo, you are one in a million. I can’t imagine the level of stress related to having strangers prancing through one’s house finding anything and everything to pick at. And yet you find the humor. Bless you girl, just bless you. Fingers crossed that it sells soon…. xo


  15. knockingplanboutofthepark
    Nov 08, 2017 @ 12:23:31

    I loved reading your blog, I also understand you 🙂


    • MoJo
      Nov 08, 2017 @ 13:47:59

      Aww thank you sweet friend. Also I’m sorry to hear that because I am a twisted piece of work at times! 😉 But in truth we all are, right!?!? 🤗❤️


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