Another Weekend Morning

IMG_20171007_113023.jpgBefore 5am was able to an appearance on the clock this morning, I could hear the not so sweet sounds of one of the dogs barfing on the plush carpet of my bedroom floor next to me. It needs to be extra thick in order to be able to adequately absorb whatever may be hurled its way. Naturally I thought to myself, “Wait…is it Mother’s Day already?” But no. It was just another weekend morning.

So my husband and I jumped out of bed joyfully (as indicated by the way we were yelling at each other) to split up the tasks of collecting supplies to clean the cushy barf sponge and chasing the dog into the bathroom where she could (and did) upchuck a few more times on the tile. Thankfully we were able to wrap up the barf-fest and go back to bed for a few more hours.

sara splat

This is my kid, and this is how I felt after wrapping up round 1 of my morning.

When we awoke (again), my husband left to pick up our middle daughter who had spent the night at a friend’s house. We rarely allow our children to go to or have sleepovers. We have found that it’s typically just easier to let the kids play together at whomever’s house and then send them back same day while ending on a high note.

But this is one of our daughter’s dear friends, and she hadn’t seen her for months. We gladly made an exception when they invited our child to stay at their home. So when morning part 2 rolled around, my husband left to go pick her up from their home. I texted the other mom to see how it went, and she told me that they had a blast. Yay! The yay was short-lived when she added the text about how funny my kid was.

I love me some good funny anything, but I have learned that my daughter and I have significantly different opinions on what does and doesn’t belong in this category (which is pretty ridiculous because it takes almost nothing to entertain me). And if she was doing her version of funny, she was about to be in a doghouse of her own.

I was praying that I was wrong, but in case I wasn’t, I asked if burping was involved. And of coooourse it was.


It’s not that I go bazerk because my daughter burps sometimes. That action alone wouldn’t thrill me, but I wouldn’t totally flip out either. Let’s face it – she’s a kid. But my daughter doesn’t burp. That word is in no way adequate to capture what she does. If you have ever seen the movie “Revenge of the Nerds” – and if you haven’t, what the eff is that about because it’s an epic 80’s classic – just think of Booger. She a pretty version of that of that gnarly dude.

The even better news is that she worked overtime during the sleepover because she made it a point to show those parents her mad gross guy skillz while also attempting to teach their daughter how to do it, too. Yes. My kid. I’m so proud. It’s strange that they didn’t ask to schedule another sleepover right then and there.

“Hello Amazon. Could you possibly send that doghouse we thought we might be needing via rush delivery? Great!”

My kid found herself on ice as soon as she walked in the door. Tons of chores, no electronics, and the worst of all punishments – being forced to watch “Peppa Pig” with her little sister. Enjoy THAT.

Morning joy part 2 couldn’t depart fast enough. I needed morning part 3, so I could finally relax. I was certain that morning was tired of dishing out the crapola.

Silly silly me.

Few things say “keep the magic coming” like walking into your room to have the brilliant morning light reveal that the initial barf scrub session actually didn’t remove everything your pooch gifted to you pre-5am. Nothing disgusting to be found with that scenario. Especially not for someone who already has a serious aversion to germs and animal body action of any kind.

So it was back to the hands and knees again. Back to bringing in the towels and water. Back to getting out the Oxy Clean and Shout so my room could be flooded once more with those invigorating scents. Thank goodness for that because I just used the last of my Wet Dog Vomit in Your Carpet Plus Chemicals scented wax melts. They are so hard to find!

My sexy morning just wouldn’t quit.

I want to float carelessly over the stumbling blocks of life that I find, but instead I end up with a face full of barf towels. I need to laugh at the antics of my kids, but I am too wrapped up in the “oh no she di’n’t!” feeling I have instead. My dog would gladly let her gross action fly anywhere, but my daughter knows better. Nevertheless she saw her opportunity to misbehave and completely ran with it. And that genuinely bothers me.

It’s exhausting. The week has been insanely long, and I have a ton of actual work that I need to tackle. I just wanted to sleep in a little. More to the point, I needed to sleep in a little. And now I’m so steamed at everyone that it’s fogging up my whole brain. (Thus the diatribe here.) (And you’re welcome.)

I wanted to meditate to soothe my mind, but the words that kept circling my brain sounded like that old song “Fire Water Burn” by the Bloodhound Gang.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!
We don’t need no water, let the mo$#&er burn!
Burn mo$#&er!

Errr so I thought maybe not right then for meditation. I went into OCD overdrive and tackled the least relevant task ever. I organized DVDs. I could see the ridiculous nature of the obsession as I ran through it, but it was the task I picked, and there would be no chance of calm until I was finished.

Have I unpacked my suitcase from earlier in the week? Nope. Is my office organized and are all papers filed? Don’t be silly. Are my DVDs separated into kid movies, holiday theme, grown up movies, empty cases with movie location known, and empty cases with movie location unknown?  You bet your sweet patootie they are.  I almost put each group in alphabetical order (as they always had been until my mini-human tornadoes wreaked organizational destruction on the cabinet), but I decided to save that task as further punishment for the belch queen. My part in that task is over, and I can move on to actual stuff that needs to be addressed.

I recognize that I’m not talking about the really big issues in life, but that doesn’t change the reality that it doesn’t take much to throw us off kilter. Or at least it doesn’t take much for that to happen to me.  I want to move through my life with perpetually uplifting spirituality, but that’s damn hard to do when you are up to your elbows and ears in reality.

I didn’t get anything taken care of that I wanted to do over the past few days, and I wasted even more time and energy this morning. I want to be flexible when life’s little collection of unplanned moments stretches me thin, but instead I often feel like I’m being pulled to the point of having my elastic snap into pieces. I want my feathers to dance a bit in the wind, but I feel like they blow away wildly.  I am left with my rear exposed and looking like my goose is about to be cooked.

It frustrates me.  And sometimes it makes me angry and sometimes it makes me sad. Today was a smorgasbord of emotions. If you wanted them, you could have easily found them amongst the available selections.

But then again, I did end up with highly organized and soon to be alphabetized DVDs. One section of carpet and multiple sections of tile are looking might clean at the moment. My daughter will be on work duty, but she had fun seeing a lovely little friend. And the dog hasn’t barfed again for several hours, so hopefully she’s okay now.

I think that I’m mostly alright now, too. I’m feeling calmer. The Bloodhound Gang is no longer earworming me into insanity. I probably will be meditating in a few minutes, and somewhere in the mix there will be a shower. Everything is better after a shower.

The world keeps spinning, and I keep learning. The most pedestrian of days can turn into a roller coaster, and it sometimes feels like we are out of control. But really it’s just a matter of holding on and enjoying the ride whenever we possibly can.

lilly on a swing1.gif

At least our dog looks relaxed today. I guess we have that going for us. (Isn’t she adorable?!?)

Love and light always – Joanna  😉



39 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Writer Lori
    Oct 07, 2017 @ 17:47:51

    Laughing… We were definitely spinning around the same sun this morning, Jo. We just got back from a short ‘mini-vacay’ and one of the dogs happily brought home a raging case of kennel cough from the pet sitter’s. Nothing burns off that post-break buzz like hacking, straggled coughing and little piles of bile being emitted around the bedroom by one’s sweet pet at 12:30, 2:30 and 4 a.m. For what it’s worth, 2 tsps. Of coconut oil is VERY soothing for the dog and also has powerful antiviral elements. Vet says he can prescribe antibiotics, but it will also go away in its own. Happy Columbus Day!


    • MoJo
      Oct 07, 2017 @ 18:01:33

      Girl it’s just one of those days! Sometimes you’re the windshield and sometimes you’re the bug! 😂 So sorry you were in the yuck, too! Poor fur babies!


  2. Shareece
    Oct 07, 2017 @ 20:16:42

    What a day! I love your comments about wanting to let your feathers blow in the wind 🙂


  3. wakinguponthewrongsideof50
    Oct 07, 2017 @ 21:59:13

    CAn I say that im shocked that your dvds aren’t alphabetized already? Xoxo#ihatedogsbarfing


  4. mainepaperpusher
    Oct 07, 2017 @ 23:45:16

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you. I do have one suggestion. I think you should tell your daughter that she can do her burp routine one more time. Only one, but you get to get it on video. Honey, as she gets older that little piece of video will be leverage like you’ve never had before. Hugs and love


  5. Tracy
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 02:02:04

    That dog barfing thing? Heard it MANY times. You have a five second window before actual vomit happens. There is nothing quite like mopping up slimy dog vom at 2am in the morning. X


    • MoJo
      Oct 09, 2017 @ 19:23:49

      I knoooow!! I can’t believe that my Spidey senses didn’t kick in before the actual vomit lathered the carpet. Grooooss me out!!


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  7. Blog Andrew
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 04:40:54

    🙂 I genuinely think you’re a star………….. you made me smile.


  8. Confessings of A Failed Writer
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 04:42:56

    that was really funny..enjoyed reading it. Everyday brings new adventures 😀


  9. Mabel Kwong
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 07:30:51

    It sounded like a jam-packed day for you, but sounded like you were every bit on top of it. Your daughter sounds like the kind who’s very energetic and brave and loves being sociable. Maybe she should have another sleepover at some point 😀

    Haha! I have massive OCD and would have probably taken much longer than you to organise those DVDs 😀


  10. James J. Cudney IV
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 07:36:13

    Oh no! That’s quite a tale. I have to focus on waking up to dogs vomiting as that’s the part I have experience with. When I lived in the suburbs and had a huge piece of property in the backyard, Ryder could run all day in the fenced in yard. He loved it. He had a doggy door to come in as he pleased, since I was at work. Unfortunately, it also meant I’d come home to all sorts of dead critters in the laundry room and he’d wake up all night vomiting whatever he ate that day. You brought back such not-so-fond memories!
    Ah, your posts are always so funny. I’m so glad to read them and hear your wonderful sense of humor. Great pics of the kid too!


  11. carolrolke
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 09:14:33

    She wasn’t trying to be disobedient, she was just looking for an audience who could appreciate her mad entertaining skills. If that is the worst she does, it will all work out fine. Wishing you a better tomorrow.


  12. E
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 10:36:38

    Seeing as how I photographed my laundry pile yesterday I can honestly say I feel you. Thanks for the laugh 😉


  13. Hunida
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 17:21:21

    What a very hectic morning you had!! I really enjoyed reading about it! 😀 Your daughter and pooch are so very adorable!!


    • MoJo
      Oct 18, 2017 @ 09:03:07

      I would like to tell you that it was an unusual morning, but I can’t honestly say that it was. Dog barf and belching children are my sexy life. Meh. 😂. And thank you! I’m rather fond of my crazy crew, too. ❤️


  14. magickmermaid
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 17:36:44

    You definitely need a weekend off from your weekend! 😀


  15. larva225
    Oct 08, 2017 @ 19:10:14

    I needed that laugh. Desperately. Thank you!


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  17. Playamart - Zeebra Designs
    Oct 13, 2017 @ 23:00:33

    that is one precious little daughter, though that barfing dog is pretty special too!


  18. manyofus1980
    Nov 15, 2017 @ 13:48:56

    sending hugs! dog vomit is the worst! lol at your kid. she really ran with the burping thing probably wanted to show off her fantastic skills while you werent there! xoxox


    • MoJo
      Dec 20, 2017 @ 06:49:14

      Yes my kids are very talented. It’s a total pain in the butt! ;). Did I ever tell you that I have had a unique blogger award with your name on it for months and months. I just haven’t ever sat down and written the darn entry. You have always been on my mind for that, and I’m telling you now because I think about it every single time I see your name here. You are wonderfully special in the best way, and I am so thankful to know you sweet friend! 🤗


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