The Paragon of Purchasers – Get Out of My House Goldilocks

a white cabinets.jpg

“Doesn’t want white kitchen cabinets” – So sorry about the misleading photo.  I should have explained that these are NOT those fancy color-changing cabinets that look white in pictures but are actually dark brown in person.

Having your house on the market is a monster headache.  People keep their shoes on, but they leave their reasonable standards of decorum and general sanity at the door.

Shoes on?  No sweat.  You may enter.

Basic consideration and sanity off?  No way.  You may bite me.

***Quick note of clarification – In our area, the seller’s realtor is NOT typically present at the showings.  This means that potential buyers will view a house accompanied by their own realtor only.  Consequently we have to rely on those other realtors to monitor their clients who are unable to behave like adults.  Sadly that doesn’t happen as often as we would like.

a map

“Wants to be on a cul-de-sac” – We mistakenly believed that the map on the listing showing that there was zero possibility of our home actually being on a cul-de-sac would have clarified that in advance.

I would like to highlight and respond to certain feedback left by a handful of memorable prospective buyers AFTER they viewed our house.  These paragons of home buying madness serve as the model reason for never wanting to go through this crapola again.

If you are a home buyer with eyeballs (and based on security footage, they have all had them so far), I know that you viewed the detailed photos available online before you scheduled the showing.  Every realtor and buyer within a zillion miles does this.  Many of these same shoppers also had lengthy conversations with our realtor about our home prior to their appointments.  They could have asked her about their specific requirements if they were in fact subject to ocular limitations.

a roof

“No upstairs patio.” – Let me start by thanking you for the few minutes of notice you gave us before demanding that we leave our home with our 2 giant dogs and 3 young kids because you HAD to see it right then or never.  Although the online photos (the ones you mentioned you had reviewed extensively before the showing) clearly displayed that the back of our home did not have an upstairs patio (the requirement you mentioned after the showing), it was good to know that you felt compelled to verify that it was true from the inside of the home.  From 8-9pm.  On a school night.

Certain things seem rather obvious, but I have personally confirmed that being obvious means nothing in the world of realty.  People leave useless feedback and ask our realtor questions that are so crazy that I wonder if they realized that they were using their out loud voices when they said them.

a patio edge

“There was no pool.” – Only one sly buyer was clever enough to recognize that the grass in our backyard was not an actual aquatic feature.  This savvy shopper refused to be tricked into thinking that the large community pond located outside of our enclosed iron fence and backing up to two dozen other homes was actually a gigantic private pool we had built for our own use.  This ruse was brazen on my part, but my cunning nature could not be suppressed.  Most people who want to buy a home with a pool will be unable to comprehend the “No Pool” statement on the listing nor will they understand that the absence of a pool in all photos means that we don’t have one.

a lake

“Would they be willing to build us a pool?” – I’m not making this up folks.  One bold prospect contacted our realtor to ask her if we would be willing to build them a pool.  Naturally we said yes.  We had just been waiting for someone outside of our family and income stream to ask.  Please refer the photo (above) of the lake we told our realtor she could ask them to jump in.

And then there are comments like this…

a pink

“Whole house is green.” – Green like this pink room?

a blue 2

Or green like this blue room?

a aqua

Maybe green like this aqua room?

a rust

Or probably green like this rusty-red room?

Despite my photographic evidence to the contrary, I would have been unaffected by the color comment if that was where it had ended with those people.  The whole house isn’t green, but I will concede that a large portion of the house has grey green walls.  Most people love it and we receive tons of compliments on it, but paint preference is subject to personal taste.  The magic of these buyers was not in their feedback.  It was the way they pushed their appointment back a full hour after we were 45 minutes into their original time slot.  That meant an additional full hour of sitting in my car in a parking lot, being unable to work, being unable to go to the bathroom, and being unable to take my hungry kids home or anywhere else because we had the dogs with us since they can’t stay home either.  I could have dealt with the rescheduling request, but they upped the ante and showed up at the second half of their appointment window and stayed to the very end even though they didn’t like the house.

Well apparently they wanted to be thorough to make absolutely sure that they didn’t like it because there were multiple drawers left slightly open.  My OCD would never permit me to leave any drawer open at all ever, but this would be especially true if a possible buyer was coming.  It would look unkempt in my OCD eyes.  I arrange my Keurig cups, remember??  And on that note, they actually moved some of those cups around.  I couldn’t believe it, but I laughed when I found it, because hey – at least they noticed the effort!  I could also tell that they had tested the sofas both downstairs and upstairs because the pillows and blankets were smooshed and out of place.  That wasn’t a big deal to me because I understand that people need to sit down.  It’s when you opt to pull a Goldilocks move and SIT ON MY BED that I have to push the eject button.  At what point will this mama bear be okay with total strangers parking their happy butts on my bed?  If you responded “never ever ever ever ever,” you were correct!  At least their comments didn’t say, “Sheets not soft enough.”  But that’s silly.  Of course my sheets are soft enough.  Shout out to microfiber!

We have seen all sorts of wacky and tacky behavior over the past few months of living in a house on the market.  There was the guy who tracked muddy footprints throughout the home, messed up all of my window treatments, and broke some blinds.  He didn’t like the layout of the house, but I guess he needed to shred the house to confirm it.  And then there was the local realtor (who also happened to be a neighbor) who scheduled an appointment so she and her husband could take a private tour.  Not too long after that, she became the official realtor for another seller a few doors down.  The sad part is that if she had just asked me if she could look at my house, I would have said yes.  Instead she booked an appointment as if she was working on behalf of a potential buyer.  We were forced to turn our Sunday upside down in order to prepare our home.  While we were doing this, she was busy displaying her faithful devotion in Sunday school.  Maybe it helps to cleanse prior to casing one’s competition (us).  I guess they weren’t studying “Thou shalt not behave like a behind.” that day.

Here are a few other comments we have heard that are clear as day on the listing:

  • too expensive (maybe don’t come here if you don’t like the price?)
  • too big
  • too small
  • too many bedrooms upstairs
  • not enough bedrooms upstairs

It’s exhausting.

This post is not directed at every prospective buyer who has entered our home.  Most buyers and realtors have behaved like normal decent people in a stranger’s home.  Some have put our home on their “maybe” list, and others were looking for something that we couldn’t offer.  Maybe they disliked the layout or it just wasn’t they were looking for.  I don’t mind that, and I really do get it if this isn’t your jam.  House hunting is personal, and my prayer is that this house will be purchased by someone who feels like they are stepping into their new home, not taking a tour of someone else’s house.

a fairy highrise

“Fairy highrise is incomplete, and there are insufficient ladders.” – This is the one annoying comment I haven’t received, but the day is still young.  I’ll finish it soon, but then I’ll probably get a comment about the need for a fairy elevator instead.

We aren’t on the local historical register, we don’t make money selling entry tickets, and we aren’t offering a design tour.  This is where we live, and every showing disrupts our family immensely.  Our children are tired of being pushed out of their space by careless people whom they have never met.  We don’t allow strangers to test-drive our furniture and track mud throughout our freshly cleaned home because it’s fun for us.  We want and need to sell this house.  This is about courtesy and common sense.

It’s also about removing one’s head from sphincter prior to scheduling an appointment to enter another person’s home.  If you are a perspective home buyer, please do that and do it in that order – not the other way around.

Thanks in advance!


A Paragon of Love


15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. traceyr1984
    Jun 15, 2017 @ 20:04:52

    So sorry for your pain. Sounds like the realtors need to do a better job of vetting their clients needs. Keep the faith.


    • MoJo
      Jun 15, 2017 @ 21:21:48

      It can be really hard for realtors. They are at the mercy of the buyers, and if they don’t comply, they can get booted off the job. It’s just frustrating when people don’t use common sense or courtesy. I had no idea how many inconsiderate people were out there waiting to waste our time. Thankfully our realtor is a great person, and we get to roll our eyes together. She has done everything possible to filter out the nonsense, but it’s kinda just luck of the draw. I believe in karma (a.k.a. God’s sense of humor), so I am confident that it will come full circle with the tacky buyers and realtors. In the meantime I will have to settle for making fun of them here. 😉 Thank you for the support though. I really do appreciate it honey.


  2. George
    Jun 16, 2017 @ 17:15:01

    That’s ummmm….bizarre. Don’t know where you live but I don’t ever want that realtor. Regardless of how difficult it is to say no to a buyer, they should be working for you. I realize it’s a fine line but some of that stuff was crazy.


    • MoJo
      Jun 16, 2017 @ 17:48:55

      Our realtor is good but it is hard to believe that other people are allowed to come in and pull this garbage. The even harder thing to believe is that people do this nonsense in other people’s homes. It’s so bad that I have a sign in my front window stating that we have audio and video surveillance both inside and outside of the home. You would think that it would have some impact but no. Cra. Zy.


  3. shalini
    Jun 19, 2017 @ 23:08:53

    Hahahahahahahahahaha omg jo I could not stop laughing.. The characters u meet on prospective home sale are amazing yaaa amazingly stupid… Stupidity is something I have no patience to tolerate.. Hope it’s sold soon before u eject all
    BTW I loved all the colors of your home. Wouldn’t mind being goldilocks hehehe.. But fear not wouldn’t print muddy shoes on ur floor…
    Sorry for not commenting. I couldn’t see your posts on my news feed. I had to search your name to find your posts.
    You are acknowledged in my Versatile Blogger award nomination post


  4. carolinerealtor
    Jun 25, 2017 @ 22:19:07

    Hi MoJo, I appreciate the detail you included in this post about your experience selling your home (pictures, specific examples with prospective buyers and real estate agents).

    Not sure if you spoke to your listing agent about your experiences. However, if I was listing your home, I would be salivating over such detailed feedback (but feedback that was hopefully more positive).

    I am a new real estate agent myself (in California) so I thought your post was valuable from my perspective!
    Caroline Griffith


  5. carolinerealtor
    Jun 25, 2017 @ 22:38:05

    Sorry! I tried to edit the part of my comment about if I was listing your home. I meant to say if I were listing your home I would be salivating over such detailed feedback like you have given (but feedback that was hopefully more positive with your experience with buyers).


    • MoJo
      Jun 26, 2017 @ 11:20:32

      I knew exactly what you meant sweet girl! 🙂 I LOVE feedback, and it drives me bananas when we don’t get it. How hard is it to leave one sentence if someone has gone to such trouble to prepare their home for you? My issue with these people is that many of them have been incredibly disrespectful in a stranger’s home and some of the feedback left by their realtors has been useless. “No pool.” “White cabinets in kitchen.” “Not on cul-de-sac.” These are goofy. I can’t change them and they were obvious before the buyers saw the home. I can easily take “Doesn’t like layout” or even a straight “Dislikes home” (haven’t had that yet, and though it would sting a bit, I could totally accept it), but the other stuff is useless and those people wasted a ton of my time and my Febreze! 😉

      We contemplated putting the house up for rent to give the market time to recover, but I can’t imagine how badly someone could behave living here if they behave like they do just visiting it. Thankfully these people are the exceptions, not the standard. I just didn’t realize how many there were out there like this.


  6. Blog Andrew
    Jun 30, 2017 @ 12:21:50

    You’ve sent shudders down my spine, I’d forgotten why I never want to go through the hell of moving house EVER again!


    • MoJo
      Jun 30, 2017 @ 07:14:28

      The moving part sounds like a wonderful fantasy at the moment (although I can promise that I will bitch about it once it happens!). It’s the getting there that is making me crazy. I feel like I’m trapped in someone else’s house, but they refuse to come claim it. It’s so frustrating! Stay where you are if you can!!!!


  7. Elizabeth
    Jul 01, 2017 @ 22:46:24

    Wow. We carried paper booties that we put over our shoes when we were looking for a home. I didn’t want to take my shoes off because I couldn’t know what might be on the floors/in the carpets but I also didn’t want to mess up someone’s home with my shoes.
    You have to wonder about what goes through the minds of some people viewing homes.


  8. Trackback: The Paragon of Purchasers – Get Out of My House Goldilocks — Momentum of Jo – ~*~tightlines and sunshine~*~

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