Is there someone in your life you love so much, but you can’t stand the destructive choices he or she makes? What does that relationship look like in your mind? Are you continuing to offer support because you believe that you are the only good thing holding that person together? Are you there completely and totally no matter what they do? Is the reality that you may be loving this person to death?
I know that this is a slippery slope in our hearts. We want to be good people and we want to live in kindness and love. However I believe that our commitment to “keep someone together” can often validate the destructive behavior.
Most of us have someone in our circle (or several someones in our circle) who seem to feed off negative reinforcement. I want to be a good friend, but I try to be cognizant of not enabling them. I also try to make sure that I am not determined to make it my personal mission to find a way to fix their pain. I struggle with that more than anything because sometimes it just seems so obvious to make a different choice. My intention is to send positive messages and somehow open that door to the good side of life, but some people don’t want to release the lock – and of course, that is their decision to make. It is not our role to force our will upon another.
I am not writing this entry with any big message in mind. It’s really just my process of thinking out loud about how we choose to move through our relationships. I remember my own experience with depression over so many years of my youth, and it surprises me to think back on how many people validated my sadness – doctors, friends, family – and I fully recognize that the validation came from a place of complete love and support.
I wonder how many of you struggle with this same issue of supporting someone versus enabling the scenarios they often have the power to change – not every single time, but quite often. As I said before, we cannot change someone with our will, but maybe we can focus on loving the life in them, the light in their choices, and the moments when they allow their true self to shine. And if they are full time passengers on the downward spiral train, I believe that the best choice we can make is to send prayers of love and light their direction. There are just too many wonderfuls always happening to celebrate the awfuls. I wish each of you boatloads of wonderfuls today and always, and I will always rejoice in the good and light choices you make.
Love and light always. MoJo